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Climate News: Rising temperatures could mean that British people may have to eat ice cream far quicker, health experts have warned.

According to the Health Protection Agency by 2080 extreme temperatures will force Britons to eat ice cream at least 60% faster, in order to avoid it all melting before you finish it.

“There is no doubt that climate change poses a wide range of challenges when eating ice cream in the UK,” said David Heymann, chairman of the HPA.

“Gone are the days of leisurely eating ice cream – climate change means the public will soon have to start speed-eating the delicious dairy treat before the sun’s rays reduce it to a thick puddle of hot cream all over your lap.”

The report also predicts a vast rise in ‘ice cream headaches’ due to the higher temperatures and increased consumption speeds.

“The effects of climate change on UK ice cream will be very real,” said Professor Sir Roger Clouds, HPA climate change chief. “We either reduce the UK’s carbon emissions, or increase the amount of de-icer we add to our ice cream. I prefer the latter as it seems much easier and I’m quite lazy.”

Story: Simon Swatman


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