Swipe left/right

Volunteer News: The army of volunteers who helped ensure the smooth running of the Olympic games will be deployed to Afghanistan next, Downing street has confirmed.

“It makes perfect sense as they already have the uniforms,” said a Government spokesman. “And their matching grey Adidas trainers would make a smart yet sensible choice in the ninety-degree heat of Afghanistan.”

Philip Hammond, Secretary of State for Defence, was quick to defend the deployment of volunteers.

“Intelligence suggests the Taliban would become confused and demoralised if they saw Games Makers wearing pink rainproof jackets manning roadblocks in Afghanistan.”

“We also believe that the tennis umpire high chairs from the games will afford us a superior view of the enemy – and we will also be issuing Games Makers with whistles, so they can flush the Taliban out.”

Until the exact plans of the deployment are confirmed, the volunteers have been asked to return to their homes and wait for their lanyards to activate.

Story+Image: Simon Swatman

 

Tennis grandee Judy Murray is waging war on excess Pimm's mint! #sponsored

Trending Now

  1. Popular
    If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world
  2. Exclusive
    10 signs you’ve reached middle age
  3. Pics
    Is this the most backhanded book dedication a man has ever given to a wife?
  4. News
    This bloke just got a slap down from Tesco Mobile for his cheek because that’s the internet in 2016
  5. News
    This sweet story about Gene Wilder that someone posted on Guardian comments says everything about the man
« Swipe navigation »