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Celebrity News: A hotel swimming pool has spoken of how sick it is of various D-list celebrities using it to pose in for photo opportunities for tabloid newspapers.

The swimming pool, part of a hotel complex in Majorca, says over the last three years it has been pictured with dozens of reality show rejects and soap actors, who have arranged with the paparazzi to be photographed in it for purely self-promotional purposes.

“If you excuse the pun, I can’t help but feel a bit shallow,” said the pool.

“But seriously, it’s depressing. There was a time when the relationships I had were so simple – they wanted a swim. But now I feel I’m just being used to show off some D-listers ‘beach body’ in a series of snaps you see in the Daily Mail.”

“If I wasn’t a large body of water in a geographically fixed position I’d be out of the celebrity lifestyle altogether. I just want my privacy back.”

Story: Simon Swatman

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