Blackmail News: After being promoted to Health Secretary today, most people are convinced Jeremy Hunt must have seen PM David Cameron kill someone.
“The only logical explanation of how he still has a job is that he was eyewitness to a brutal murder that David Cameron committed,” said a Downing Street source.
“How else would you explain the move? Jeremy Hunt is a tax dodging, expenses fiddling, blank-eyed moron in the back pocket of Rupert Murdoch.”
“To put a man in charge of the NHS who publicly endorses homeopathy only makes sense if he has some serious dirt on you,” said political commentator Dominic Everyman. “I mean you’d have to have done something really, really terrible to be forced into making a choice like that.”
“Clearly David Cameron was forced to choose between going to prison for murder, or putting a man in charge of the NHS who probably wants to spend public money on healing crystals or dream catchers.”
Story: Simon Swatman