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Weather News: The Met Office has controversially blamed ‘women’ for the poor weather in the UK this summer, the second wettest since records began.

“It may seem like a harsh thing to say, but we have no evidence to prove that women aren’t wholly responsible for the poor weather the UK has experienced this summer,” said recently divorced Met Office spokesman Dan Hegel.

“Conventional logic says the rain this summer was due to a jet stream from America, but blaming women is certainly something else to consider. At the moment we are just floating it as a suggestion – we’re not ready to start burning women at the stake. That comes later, when all of our data has been collated.”

This summer has also been dullest summer since 1980, when the UK saw only 396 hours of sunshine.

“That’s probably the fault of women as well,” said Hegel. “They not only rip out your heart from your chest but they also smother light from the sun.”

Story: Simon Swatman

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