Spain News: Under pressure from the European Central Bank, Spanish officials conceded today that they could ditch the traditional siesta, admitting that it was, indeed, ‘just a wank’.

“It’s time to say yes to economic recovery and no to forty minutes of self-love every day after lunch,” President Mariano Rajoy Brey told an angry session of the Spanish parliament.

Though Spain has always denied the onanistic principles behind popping off upstairs for a bit after a few glasses of Rioja, a new study for fiscal reform identified this cornerstone of Spanish life as ‘harmful to the vision of a modern nation’.

“Yes, we are a sexy people,” says Jose Manuel Diaz, European MP for Catalunya. “We are a lot more sexy than, say, Germans. But we cannot ignore the data. Regular bouts of personal appreciation in the early afternoon when we could be back in the office checking Facebook is really taking the heat out of our recovery.”

Story: John Cadence

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