Tepid News: Coldplay frontman Chris Martin and his wife Gwyneth Paltrow have announced plans to become even more bland, according to reports.
â€śThey intend to become totally vanilla,â€ť said a close friend of Paltrow, 39. â€śThey’ve had concerns that their lives are a tiny bit interesting and now they want to completely eradicate that. They want to become the human equivalent of cottage cheese.â€ť
Paltrow and Martin, who already consider lentils to be an exciting meal, plan to make various lifestyle changes – including no longer watching TV, in the case they accidentally stumble across something to talk about – and only drinking tepid tap water, in case they encounter a pleasant flavour.
â€śHeâ€™s a rock star and sheâ€™s a famous actress,â€ť said a close friend of the couple.
â€śIf things continue the way they are, they’re in serious danger of not being run-of-the-mill and totally insipid. And we all know the dangers of living a life that is slightly above humdrum.”
â€śChris is already trying his best, by wearing the most uninteresting hats he can find and now he wants Gywneth to join him on the worldâ€™s blandest adventure – I heard theyâ€™re talking about moving into a bungalow in Milton Keynesâ€ť
Story: Simon Swatman