Sore News: A 41 yr-old man was struggling for sympathy from his family today, while holidaying in Spain with an ‘angry groin’.

“It feels like my penis has snorted a line of dried chilli,” said Timothy Repton from Pontefract. “My balls are so flame-grilled I could sell them to Burger King. My arse-crack looks like a Mars canyon. Do my wife and kids give a shit? No they do not.”

“Mummy, why is Daddy walking funny?” said 8 yr-old Elisia during a trip to the local market, but as Daddy tried to explain, the little girl simply ran away laughing.

“It’s been like that all holiday,” complains Repton, who has been hobbling 10 yards behind the rest of the family wherever they go. “They just don’t understand.”

It’s not the first time he’s suffered from serious chafing, in fact it happens ‘every summer’, but this year Repton admits ‘it’s really gone nuclear’.

“No wonder the Spanish economy is tanking. If I lived in these conditions, I wouldn’t want to do any work either. All I can think about is sitting in a cold bath and chopping my own bollocks off.”

Story: Jasper Gibson

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2 Responses

  • Noblelox

    Please stop this, it simply isn’t funny, by any stretch of the imagination. It’s a minute of my life I won’t get back, 30 seconds to read it, and 30 seconds wondering if I missed anything that would make it in any way mildly amusing.

    August 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm
  • I

    See the slogan, says “time well wasted.” Kinda implies a wasting of your time, stop moaning.

    October 10, 2012 at 10:58 am