Swipe left/right

Sports News: Olympic champion and Tour de France winner Bradley Wiggins has sacrificed a bike outside Halfords, in an ritual intended to appease the ancient gods of cycling.

A solemn Wiggins reportedly set fire to the 21-speed carbon fibre racing bike outside the branch of Halfords in Stepney, East London. He then poured a small bottle of bike oil over the flaming cycle and recited a brief incantation.

It is rumoured that Wiggins gained his phenomenal cycling skills after meeting a mysterious man at the crossroads near his home. It’s said that he handed the man his bike, who adjusted the gears to make Wiggins unbeatable.

Wiggins’ seven Olympic medals – four golds, a silver and two bronzes – give him one more than rowing great Sir Steve Redgrave

“I just want to do what’s right by the Dark Lords of Sport and not make the same mistakes as other Olympians, like Sir Steve,” said Wiggins. “I really don’t want to spend eternity appearing in adverts for laser eye treatment or margarine.”

Story+Image: Simon Swatman

 

Tennis grandee Judy Murray is waging war on excess Pimm's mint! #sponsored

Trending Now

  1. News
    This guy has tried to sum up the post-Brexit situation in the UK on Facebook and it’s ABSURD
  2. Pics
    This “BØRS JÖHNSSÖN” set of Ikea assembly instructions nails what the mess he’s brought on Britain
  3. Videos
    This Brexit version of Downfall takes us inside Boris Johnson’s bunker
  4. News
    So this amazing theory about Cameron snookering Boris turned out to be true didn’t it?
  5. News
    Somone has registered “www.gove2016.co.uk” and you should see what they’ve stuck on it
« Swipe navigation »