Swipe left/right

Economy News: Chancellor George Osborne has blamed the deepening UK recession on ‘out of date’ copies of the spreadsheet application Microsoft Excel 97.

Osborne said figures released on Wednesday showed Britain had ‘deep-rooted economic problems’ which he blamed entirely on people not upgrading their copies of Microsoft Office to get the latest version of Excel.

“The figures from the Office for National Statistics confirm that this is the worst double-dip recession in 50 years” said Osborne.

“The bottom line of this is that many British businesses are being let down by refusing to upgrade their copies of Excel. Imagine how much more productive the entire country could be if we were all running Microsoft Office 2010?”

Osborne says he is convinced people who are running old versions of the software are doing it on purpose, to keep the British economy stuck in a recession and make Osborne ‘look like a total dick’.

Story: Simon Swatman

 

Breaking News: 'So is this the sort of stuff they teach at church now?'

Trending Now

  1. Pics
    Competition result to name this pond even better than Boaty McBoatface
  2. News
    These messages between a guy and a woman on Tinder go wrong in a brilliant way
  3. Pics
    This guy makes post-it notes that perfectly sum up adulthood
  4. News
    An Irish Pagan society had some great advice for some homophobic, racist US Pagans
  5. Pics
    The most British fox ever
« Swipe navigation »