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Gun News: Following Friday’s tragic shooting at a cinema in Aurora, Colorado, America’s powerful gun lobby continued to insist this morning that killing people with guns has nothing to do with guns.

Despite strong scientific and anecdotal evidence that shooting someone with a gun can kill them, pro-gun campaigners say the are determined to resist the ‘knee-jerk conclusions’ and ‘crackpot conspiracy theories’ that threaten the right to bear arms.

“All we hear is the negative side of gun ownership,” says Clifford Parnell of the Guns4Funs pressure group.

“What about the positives? Like walking into a saloon and twirling a pistol on your finger to impress the prostitues. Or manning your domestic defense perimeter when keeping your family safe from home invaders/space invaders.”

“There’s the killer and there’s the killing,” says Republican Senator and assault weapon enthusiast Teddy Bowland, “and then there’s the gun in the middle. It’s like the cheese in a cheese sandwich. You take out the cheese, it’s still a sandwich. Why blame the cheese? You should have bought some ham and some pickle. It ain’t the cheese’s fault your goodamn sandwich tastes dry as shit.”

Story: Jasper Gibson


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