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Radio News: The announcement that Chris Moyles is to quit Radio 1 has led to an overwhelming outpouring of public grief, bringing the entire country to a sudden, weeping halt.

Moyles announced on air that he is to leave the BBC Radio 1 breakfast show at the end of September. Minutes after the announcement, 999 services reported a huge spike in traffic incidents – after stunned listeners were left sobbing and unable to drive properly.

“I didn’t think Radio 1 could get any shitter,” said one weeping listener, laying a wreath of flowers outside Broadcasting House. “But it has. As obnoxious as Moyles was, as least he could string together a sentence of more than three words.”

Early morning shift workers and commuters across the UK will mark Moyle’s passing with a minute’s silence at 6.30am tomorrow, resulting in gridlock and chaos across the nation.

“I just don’t know how mornings will ever be the same again,” said another grief-stricken listener. “It took me at least two weeks to get over the death of Princess Diana, so God knows how long I’ll need to take off work to get over this.”

Story: Simon Swatman

 

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