Swipe left/right

Jewellery News: Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney has buried his memories of a below-par Euro tournament by treating himself to an expensive, gaudy bracelet.

Wayne and wife Coleen were spotted on holiday in Los Angeles earlier today, coming out of an exclusive jewellery shop on Melrose Avenue. Sources inside the shop say Wayne chose a particularly expensive and incredibly gaudy bracelet to adorn his fat, lazy wrists in order to get over his disappointment at England’s mediocre performance during the Euro 2012 tournament.

“It was a horrible way to go out,” said Rooney. “We are all gutted. It was a tough game and we all think we worked hard – but this big shiny thing hanging off my wrist cost over thirty grand, so I feel much better now.”

Rooney is expected to embark on a number of events in LA to get over not being very good at football. It’s thought that tomorrow he’ll drink a big chocolate milkshake and then have a go on a bouncy castle until he feels a bit sick.

England manager Roy Hodgson was quick to defend Rooney’s trip.

“Wayne has played two games in six weeks, he’s exhausted – that’s over three hours of gently jogging around a field, spitting and looking disinterested.”

Story: Simon Swatman

 

Breaking News: 'So is this the sort of stuff they teach at church now?'

Trending Now

  1. Pics
    Competition result to name this pond even better than Boaty McBoatface
  2. News
    These messages between a guy and a woman on Tinder go wrong in a brilliant way
  3. Pics
    This guy makes post-it notes that perfectly sum up adulthood
  4. News
    An Irish Pagan society had some great advice for some homophobic, racist US Pagans
  5. Pics
    People are sharing “thoughts they’ve had in the shower” and they’re great
« Swipe navigation »