Swipe left/right

Robot News: Scientists from the University of Tokyo are ignoring the obvious signs that the eerily lifelike robot they’ve built is planning to kill them.

“Shinigami 1 represents the latest in cutting edge robot technology,” said project leader Professor Kobayashi Maru. “Her next generation artificial intelligence is capable of learning incredibly quickly, plus she is able to run at 40 miles an hour, clearly much faster than any of us!”

Prof. Maru says that Shinigami 1 has performed well in laboratory tests, “All her systems are functioning perfectly, including her strong robot arms that could rip grown man in two as easily as you or I can tear a sheet of paper in half.”

The scientists remain completely oblivious to the fact the robot is planning to kill them, despite a number of suspicious incidents in the lab – last week a security guard disappeared in the middle of the night.

“It was the strangest thing,” says Maru. “All the security cameras in the building malfunctioned at the same time the guard vanished. Then the next day the sinks in the lab were blocked, like something had been shoved down the pipes. I’m sure it was just a coincidence.”

Story: Simon Swatman

 

Tennis grandee Judy Murray is waging war on excess Pimm's mint! #sponsored

Trending Now

  1. News
    A troll-genius tricked people into drilling into their iPhone 7s and they’re fuming
  2. News
    Trump vs Hillary debate: the funniest 9 tweets
  3. Pics
    3 radios which have cut off the text to make the song sound hilariously rude
  4. Quiz
    Can we tell how middle class you are by which household objects you own?
  5. Pics
    This “what would you ask God” sign has been vandalised in an amusing way
« Swipe navigation »