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Tech News: Microsoft have confirmed that its new Surface tablet will come with a pre-installed anti-iPad rant, making it easier for users to justify their choice.

“We know Surface users will face almost relentless ridicule from smug iPad owners,” said Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer.

“When you’re being interrogated over your choice of tablet by some skinny jeans wearin’, soy-latte sippin’ hipster dickweed, it can be hard to formulate a comprehensive argument about why you chose Microsoft over that Apple bullshit.”

Ballmer says that the Surface will feature an Apple icon that users can press when confronted over their choice of tablet computer. The button instantly launches a specially recorded video of Ballmer bellowing out a number of reasons why Microsft Surface is far superior to the iPad.

“If that doesn’t shut them up about their finger-friggin’ iPads,’ says Ballmer. “You can use the Surface to beat them to death. That’s why we made the fuckin’ thing so sturdy.”

Story+Image: Simon Swatman

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