Swipe left/right

Devious News: The Guinness World Record for looking shifty has been comprehensively broken by Chancellor George Osborne at a black-tie dinner event last night.

Officials from Guinness World Records were on hand with specially calibrated measuring equipment to confirm Osborne’s record breaking attempt, which received a hearty round of applause from other slightly-less-shifty-diners.

Previous record holder Peter Mandelson congratulated Osborne on setting the new world record.

“I know George has been working very hard on this for years,” smirked Mandelson. “For a long time he’s been looking evasive and untrustworthy, but I’m glad to see he’s finally pushed through and mastered looking incredibly shifty.”

Osbourne attributed his new record to years of hard work, determination and rubbing his hands together while slowly looking from left to right.

“He really is a shifty looking piece of work,” said a Guinness records spokesman. “The only way he could get any shiftier is if he loosened his tie while slowly licking his lips in a sinister fashion.”

Story: Simon Swatman

 

Trending Now

  1. Pics
    The ANGRIEST listing for building materials ever posted
  2. Videos
    The sweariest bit of furniture moving you’ll see today
  3. Pics
    Husband gives his wife the ‘generic’ birthday party she asked for
  4. Videos
    People cheer on a drunk man as he struggles to climb a hill
  5. Pics
    77 Signs and Notices That Deserve A Wider Audience
« Swipe navigation »