Swipe left/right

Housing News: Councils across England have approved the government’s new enterprise scheme to divert £450m of existing budgets in order to move the country’s problem families to redundant oil and gas fields in the North Sea.

The government says that troubled families are to blame for the majority of society’s problems, which are said to cost the taxpayer £9bn every year. This is largely because they don’t work, their children skip school and the police are always visiting their homes – making them ideal candidates for relocation to an expended North Sea oil or gas field.

The move has been backed by the various agencies – from social workers to teachers, police officers and doctors – whose busy working lives are clogged up with the shit created by these scumbag families, along with the poor souls who have to live next door to them.

Communities Secretary Eric Pickles reassured the public that the estimated 120,000 families will not get any special treatment after they are dropped off on the derelict rigs with enough food to last ‘at least till Christmas,’ although he refused to confirm or deny reports that the families would get ‘subsidised gas or oil-based heating and free access to swimming areas.’

Story+Image: Nick Tolson

 

Breaking News: 'So is this the sort of stuff they teach at church now?'

Trending Now

  1. Pics
    This woman’s awkward “automatically generated email address” has gone viral with 50,000 retweets
  2. News
    These messages between a guy and a woman on Tinder go wrong in a brilliant way
  3. Pics
    Competition result to name this pond even better than Boaty McBoatface
  4. Pics
    This guy makes post-it notes that perfectly sum up adulthood
  5. Pics
    These 22 photos taken a moment before disaster struck will make you laugh or intake your breath 22 times
« Swipe navigation »