‘Lazy’ Rooney to use Segway during Euro 2012

Euro News: Wayne Rooney plans to use a Segway personal transport during the entire Euro 2012 championship – in order to avoid injury, feeling tired, or getting mud on his kit.

It’s thought Rooney is also using the Segway in order to ‘liven things up’ before England’s inevitable early exit from the championships – after the last World Cup defender Jamie Carragher claimed the players were “bored out of their minds.”

Fans and pundits have reacted angrily to Rooney’s planned playing technique. “It’s yet another example of how lazy England players are,” said one furious fan.

“They don’t want to get injured playing for England in case it effects their cushy Premiership careers – a career which is essentially a seedy carousel of money, champagne, glamour models and dogging.”

It’s feared that Rooney may have started a trend amongst the squad, with reports suggesting keeper Joe Hart wants to install a bouncy castle inside the goal to make things more ‘fun’.

Story+Image: Simon Swatman