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Royal News: The Queen said she ‘deeply regrets’ not going to the toilet before delivering her speech to Parliament today, leading her to deliver it in a record 3 minutes before nipping off to the bog.

The usual pageantry of the state opening of Parliament was drastically cut short to accommodate the Royal bladder, but even this almost proved to much for Her Majesty, who was overheard telling the Lord Chancellor to “Get a move on mate, I’m busting for a slash.”

The content of the speech was also dramatically cut down – instead of full sentences Her Majesty reduced the speech to a series of bullet points, telling MP’s that “Small business, good. Banks, sort it out. Supermarkets, really sort it out. House of Lords, less is more.”

The Queen has reportedly suggested that the grand throne in the House of Lords should be fitted with a concealed toilet, in case she’s caught short during next year’s Royal address.

Story: Simon Swatman


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