Terror News: The CIA has confirmed plans by an Al-Qaeda operative to expense several pairs of Calvin Klein underwear as part of a plot to get a few perks out of his job.
Documents reveal the operative had bought three pairs of Klein boxer briefs – which promise ‘vibrant colour’ and a ‘modern fit’ – under the guise of research, but with the sole aim of buying them for his personal use.
“I understand it’s a short-term career and that they’ll die screaming in exploding underpants,” said CIA spokesman Thaddeus F. Underroo. “But to try and con your employer out of nearly a hundred bucks is pretty f***ing disgusting.”
Communications intercepted between the operative and his bosses in Al-Qaeda reveal the terrorist group was initially against funding his purchases. “Why don’t you just go to Primark or George at ASDA?” argues one intercepted email to the pant-bomber.
He replied, “No, I need the Klein’s. They don’t pinch my balls like the cheap pants do, and I don’t want to lose focus while blowing things up.”
Story: Simon Swatman