Swipe left/right

Economy News: Chancellor George Osbourne has insisted that he’s just ‘popping out’ for a pint of milk and will be ‘right back’.

Osbourne denies that he’s not doing a runner in the face of criticism that his policies have plunged the UK back into a double-dip recession, and that instead he’s just simply run out of milk.

“I always like to take my passport and a small suitcase with me when I nip to the shops in the middle of the night,” said Osborne. “The suitcase is perfect for carrying milk and the passport is just in case I need to prove my age to the shopkeeper.”

The chancellor remains upbeat about the recovery, despite Britain’s economy sinking into the longest depression for 100 years. “I’m sure the economy will improve very soon,” said Osborne.

“Do you want anything from the shop while I’m out? I could make a list on the back of this one-way ticket to the Canary Islands I happen to have in my pocket.”

Story: Simon Swatman

Breaking News: Top 10 placards from the Unite for Europe march in London

 

Trending Now

  1. Pics
    Trump wants this photo of his dodgy tan removed from the internet. Please do not share.
  2. Exclusive
    30 Magical Moments For Mother’s Day
  3. Pics
    Agony Aunt letter of the day
  4. News
    Terminated! Epic Schwarzenegger takedown is funny, brilliant and true
  5. Pics
    Mother’s Day campaign of the week
« Swipe navigation »