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Olympic Latest: Controversial body-stripper Dr. Gunther Von Hagens unveiled a new exhibit at his ‘Animals’ show in London’s Natural History Museum today, that will allow the public ‘to really get under the skin’ of the Olympic spirit.

Gunther Von Hagens celebrates the Olympics

Despite growing concern over the whereabouts of Wenlock and Mandeville who have not been seen since Sunday night, Von Hagens dismissed any suggestion that his exhibits were the missing mascots.

What a ridiculous idea!” he cackled.

I have no idea where Wenlock and Mandeville have got to. The two creatures in my exhibition are both called Alan. They died of completely natural causes in the bath of a Trusthouse Forte hotel room somewhere off the M25.”

Now everyone, however excited they are by the Olympic games – whether it be the saccharine illusion of a healthy, thriving society peddled from every screen, or a transport gridlock of the intensity normally associated with people fleeing a sustained military assault – everyone can really see how the Olympic spirit works.”

How it breathes, how it consumes, how it digests, how it defecates, how it’s knees will give out, how it will end up being left to die in an underfunded public hospital scared and alone.”

London 2012: Inspire a generation! Tickets cost 400 quid.”

Story: Jasper Gibson

Image: Q4Nobody

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