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Mel News: Scientists have discovered a way to convert Mel Gibson’s hatred of Jews, Mexicans and women into a sustainable energy source capable of powering the entire planet.

Energy experts have been working on the hate-power conversion system since 2006, when Gibson was arrested for drink driving and an antisemitic outburst. It is thought that the obscenities Gibson recently screamed at screenwriter Joe Eszterhas provided enough energy to power a city the size of Los Angeles for at least a week.

“Energy demands are soaring globally,” said U.S. Department of Energy spokesman Todd W. Glasshouse. “Now that we can harness Gibson’s seething fury, we have paved the way for a greener, cleaner future for all of us.”

“Plus, if he’s doing this, there’s no chance he can make a sequel to What Women Want.”

Gibson will be escorted to a special facility in the Nevada desert, where he will spend the rest of his life in a specially constructed ‘fuel cell’ – yelling death threats at his ex-wife and ranting about the Jewish-run Hollywood conspiracy that has cheated him of a glittering career.

Story: Simon Swatman

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