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Drop in unemployment figures linked to people giving up

Apathy News: Employment Minister Chris Grayling has attributed a slight fall in the jobless figures to people in the UK giving up.

Across the country unemployment fell for the first time in almost a year, leaving 2.65 million people out of work and another 10.3 million wondered if they can be bothered with any of this shit.

“It’s encouraging to see any fall in unemployment figures,” said Grayling. “But it’s important to remember this is mainly down to people not signing on for benefits any more. Instead they stand on a windswept beach, considering whether or not to walk into the sea.”

The number of people out of work for over a year jumped by 26,000 to 883,000, the worst total since 1996. The national total for people holding their in head in their hands while gently rocking back and forth has also increased by over 465,000 in the last month alone.

“I don’t know,” said Grayling. “Maybe it’s better if we just all walk into the sea.”