Abu Hamza to replace hook with pepper mill

Hook News: Radical Islamic preacher Abu Hamza has had his hook replaced with a pepper mill in an attempt to soften his hardline image and avoid deportation to the US to face terrorist charges.

Hamza reportedly got the idea after having dinner in Pizza Express one evening, when he noticed one of the waiters going from table to table offering diners pepper from an over-sized mill.

“He was aggressively tearing apart his Quattro Formaggi when Abu realised that the hook probably sent out the wrong message,” said a close personal friend of the cleric.

“He thought that a pepper mill would be much more useful. People love pepper, and Abu probably hopes this means people will now love him. Either that, or he’s gone insane. It’s hard to tell with him sometimes.”

If the pepper mill helps to soften his image, Hamza is expected to expand on his seasoning capabilities.

“Abu has plans for an interchangeable salt shaker, vinegar dispenser and perhaps even his own range of hot sauce. The marketing opportunities could be very lucrative.”

Story+Image: Simon Swatman