Economy News: Chancellor George Osborne ‚Äéhas announced plans to contract the disease rickets, in a last-ditch bid to connect with the British working classes.
Rickets – a softening of the bones often caused by severe malnutrition – leads to skeletal deformities, muscle weakness and dental problems – all of which Osbsorne says are ‚Äėvital to understand the working classes‚Äô.
‚ÄúIt‚Äôs what they all have, isn‚Äôt it?‚ÄĚ said Osborne at a press conference this morning. “I imagine it‚Äôs from living on a diet of pasties and cheap lager. But if it means we can get the economy moving again and I can restore the faith of the electorate then so be it.‚ÄĚ
Osborne has also announced plans to wear a string vest, get a tattoo and install a burnt-out car directly outside his family home in London‚Äôs Notting Hill.
‚ÄúIt‚Äôll be like that programme on the television, Shameless,” said Osborne. ‚ÄúI haven‚Äôt seen it myself, but I got one of my Filipino maids to describe it to me. What are those poor people like!‚ÄĚ
Story: Simon Swatman