Economy News: Chancellor George Osborne âhas announced plans to contract the disease rickets, in a last-ditch bid to connect with the British working classes.
Rickets – a softening of the bones often caused by severe malnutrition – leads to skeletal deformities, muscle weakness and dental problems – all of which Osbsorne says are âvital to understand the working classesâ.
âItâs what they all have, isnât it?â said Osborne at a press conference this morning. “I imagine itâs from living on a diet of pasties and cheap lager. But if it means we can get the economy moving again and I can restore the faith of the electorate then so be it.â
Osborne has also announced plans to wear a string vest, get a tattoo and install a burnt-out car directly outside his family home in Londonâs Notting Hill.
âItâll be like that programme on the television, Shameless,” said Osborne. âI havenât seen it myself, but I got one of my Filipino maids to describe it to me. What are those poor people like!â
Story: Simon Swatman