Govt raises foreign school group threat level

Danger News: The danger posed by groups of French, Spanish and German school children was back in the spotlight today as the government raised the threat level from ‘substantial’ to ‘severe’.

Know for their ability to cause catastrophic disruption that sucks the will to live from anyone around them, European teenagers visiting the UK were today described as one of the most ‘serious problems to face our country’.

“The threat is likely to increase during the summer,” says security expert Max Bayer. “These disparate cells, who operate under no clear leadership, are targeting the UK, particularly London, but other historic cities and landmarks as well.”

“When you add in the Olympic games we are facing nothing short of a sticky-haired day-glo back-pack screechy-voiced tsunami.”

“Our main concern is public transport,” says MP Grant Halestrom.

“On a crowded train platform you only need one of these groups appearing to cause havoc. If there are two, it quickly becomes a living hell.”

The Home Office published guidelines on their website today, advising the public to ‘stay well clear’.

“Let’s face it,” says Halestrom. “They are relatively easy to identify. Keep your distance and, if possible, leave the area. Under no circumstances – and I repeat, no circumstances – should you agree to take a photo of the group. The consequences can be prolonged and utterly devastating.”

Story: Jasper Gibson