Swipe left/right

Sports News: Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson will sacrifice a child for Sport Relief, in a bid to appease the Old Gods and usher in a new age of sporting victory for the country.

Ferguson will slay the chosen child on a specially prepared altar, with the ceremony broadcast live on BBC One tonight, forming the finale of the 2012 Sport Relief charity event.

“I hope the sacrifice will satisfy the Ancient Ones and help the UK take its rightful place in the sporting world,“ said Ferguson.

“With the Olympics just round the corner we cannot afford to miss any opportunity – and if it also means a chance to awaken ancient, powerful deities from space who once ruled the Earth and who have since fallen into a death-like sleep, then so be it.”

Ferguson will take the role of The High Priest of the Great Old Ones, while Freddie Flintoff and Question of Sport’s Sue Barker will brandish the ceremonial dagger and chalice.

Story+Image: Simon Swatman

 

Tennis grandee Judy Murray is waging war on excess Pimm's mint! #sponsored

Trending Now

  1. News
    This guy has tried to sum up the post-Brexit situation in the UK on Facebook and it’s ABSURD
  2. News
    So this amazing theory about Cameron snookering Boris turned out to be true didn’t it?
  3. Videos
    This Brexit version of Downfall takes us inside Boris Johnson’s bunker
  4. News
    Somone has registered “www.gove2016.co.uk” and you should see what they’ve stuck on it
  5. News
    Michael Gove BANNED from cafe in Notting Hill for “ruining their business”
« Swipe navigation »