Knees News: The continual wearing of trousers around the knees is causing anatomical disfunction doctors warned today; in some cases leading to ‘startling deformity’.

The daily constriction of the knees, inhibiting their natural movement, is a modern phenomenon,” says orthopaedic surgeon Doctor Bill Flightly. “But just as continued pressure from an early age caused permanent disfigurement to the feet of Chinese women in previous centuries, so today we are seeing the legs of our young people becoming deformed – all for the sake of ‘fashion’.”

Osteoperosis of the knees, coupled with a loss of synovial fluid, and a withering of the articular capsule rendering its hinge function increasingly difficult, is followed by thickening of cartilage further down the shin.

It can look as if the body has canceled the old knees and is trying to grow new ones,” continues Doctor Flightly. “At the same time fatty deposits are extending down the back of the thigh to form grossly elongated buttocks. The overall picture is of the body performing anatomical self-adjustment: it’s moving itself down in line with the trousers.”

For some years now, we’ve had unusually high number of cases of premature osteoarthritis in this region – something we wouldn’t expect to see until old age.”

What we are seeing now, however, is much more worrying. If they don’t start wearing their trousers properly, there will be many more youngsters without proper working knees, able only to take small steps.”

Plus they will have a long and silly anus. That won’t look very cool.”

Story: Jasper Gibson

Image: Ninj

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  • Abel Watt

    This is a problem many are aware of within the health profession. In line with Darwinian theory those individuals whose bodies are adapting to fashion trends are indeed gaining longer arms too,(necessary to pull their pants down). Meanwhile those whose bodies are lagging behind are increasingly finding themselves unable to wipe their own bottom due to inadequate arm lenght and the repositioned anus. One pediatrician recently recommended the redesign of “training pants” in order to promote arm lengthening and counteract long-term hygiene issues. Human anatomists are monitoring this closely. Whereas once it was funny to find a potato that looked like a willy, it is now the norm to find that your willy looks like a potato.

    March 20, 2012 at 4:44 pm