George Osborne defects to Syria

Economic News: Chancellor George Osborne has dramatically defected to Syria, citing the gap between ‘the wealthy elite and the suffering of the masses’ in the country as something he could no longer resist.

In a statement released to the press today, Osbourne told of his admiration at how Syrian authorities deal with mass protests and how he felt his particular skill set could be applied to ‘the suffering of Syrians for generations to come’.

“George hasn’t really been enjoying his role as Chancellor,” said a close pal of Osborne.

“He’s worked hard to make people’s lives hell, but his favourite ideas get shot down in cabinet meetings. He’s tired of hearing the words ‘undemocratic’ ‘illegal’ and ‘spine chillingly evil’ and has decided to work with a government that will appreciate him.

Leaked emails from Syrian President Bashar Assad suggest Osborne had been thinking of defecting for some time.

In one exchange Assad describes the ex-Chancellor as ‘cold-heartedly awesome’ and ends another email with ‘Our combined lack of any human empathy will make for a great working relationship’.