Swipe left/right

Health News: The Government has unveiled plans to force cigarette manufacturers to make packs really hard to open, in a bid to cut the numbers of smokers.

Secretary of State for Health Andrew Lansley is said to have come up with the idea while attempting to open the plastic packaging on some batteries he’d just bought.

“I’d tried tearing it with my hands and biting the plastic, but it was just so frustrating,” said Lansley.

“I almost gave up, which gave me an idea – what if I was to make the packaging on cigarettes just as annoying?”

The new guidelines will force manufacturers to seal cigarette packages in the seemingly unbreakable plastic, and the cigarette boxes themselves will have no lid – instead smokers will have to steam them open with a kettle.

“Obviously the next step is to make cigarettes really hard to light,” said Lansley. “I’m also looking into making them taste of rotten fish and invisible.”

Story: Simon Swatman

Breaking News: These politicians dancing to Daft Punk is the most cringeworthy thing you’ll watch today

 

Trending Now

  1. Pics
    Trump wants this photo of his dodgy tan removed from the internet. Please do not share.
  2. Pics
    So this is why you shouldn’t use a flash when photographing your sheep in the sunset
  3. Pics
    “We have ways of making you talk louder”. New BBC drama SS-GB criticised for mumbling
  4. Exclusive
    10 tips to improve your life #131
  5. Exclusive
    These “innuendo-laden children’s books” were actually published & are as funny as heck
« Swipe navigation »