Swipe left/right

Health News: The Government has unveiled plans to force cigarette manufacturers to make packs really hard to open, in a bid to cut the numbers of smokers.

Secretary of State for Health Andrew Lansley is said to have come up with the idea while attempting to open the plastic packaging on some batteries he’d just bought.

“I’d tried tearing it with my hands and biting the plastic, but it was just so frustrating,” said Lansley.

“I almost gave up, which gave me an idea – what if I was to make the packaging on cigarettes just as annoying?”

The new guidelines will force manufacturers to seal cigarette packages in the seemingly unbreakable plastic, and the cigarette boxes themselves will have no lid – instead smokers will have to steam them open with a kettle.

“Obviously the next step is to make cigarettes really hard to light,” said Lansley. “I’m also looking into making them taste of rotten fish and invisible.”

Story: Simon Swatman


Trending Now

  1. Pics
    The perfect treat for children you hate this Halloween
  2. Pics
    This old Doonesbury cartoon from 17 years ago has gone viral as it’s weirdly prophetic about Donald Trump
  3. News
    Read this woman’s extremely formal rejection letter of a dick pic
  4. Pics
    This NSFW Twitter account puts Sylvanian Families into hilariously dark scenarios
  5. Popular
    If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world
« Swipe navigation »