Health News: The Government has unveiled plans to force cigarette manufacturers to make packs really hard to open, in a bid to cut the numbers of smokers.

Secretary of State for Health Andrew Lansley is said to have come up with the idea while attempting to open the plastic packaging on some batteries he’d just bought.

“I’d tried tearing it with my hands and biting the plastic, but it was just so frustrating,” said Lansley.

“I almost gave up, which gave me an idea – what if I was to make the packaging on cigarettes just as annoying?”

The new guidelines will force manufacturers to seal cigarette packages in the seemingly unbreakable plastic, and the cigarette boxes themselves will have no lid – instead smokers will have to steam them open with a kettle.

“Obviously the next step is to make cigarettes really hard to light,” said Lansley. “I’m also looking into making them taste of rotten fish and invisible.”

Story: Simon Swatman

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2 Responses

  • Gabby Paul

    Oh 4 Gods Sake.. What Next? 10 Lock Code Key 2 Open A Bottle of Booze?
    How About Hv’n a Buzzer Go Off When U Light Up…B Made 2 Wear A Sign That Says… I’m a Dumb-Ass 4 Smoke’n but I’m on A Sucide Mission So Stay Clear!

    April 27, 2012 at 1:55 pm
  • Where's my smokes

    What about fashioning a device which attaches to the vagine that will only open once you pass an intelligence test. That way stupid people can’t reproduce.

    April 27, 2012 at 2:42 pm