North Korea suspends nuclear tests in return for Adele

North Korea has agreed to stop nuclear tests, uranium enrichment and long-range missile launches in return for the singer Adele.

The shock announcement came as North Korean leader Kim Jong-un spoke of his love for the 29-year-old soul singer.

“I love her music and attitude to life.” said Jong-un. “We’ve all suffered loss and she’s a true inspiration when it comes to picking up the pieces and moving on.” It is also widely believed that Jong-un secretly visited Tottenham last year, in order to see where the singer grew up.

“He could never really do anything about it while his father was alive,” said a friend of Jong-un. “But since his father’s death he’s really in strong position to make a move for Adele. What better way to woo a girl than a nuclear arsenal?”