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Technology News: Facebook announced plans today to ban all pictures of newborn babies, in an attempt to save the sanity of users and also to reduce the strain on its servers.

The giant social network, which has 800 million users worldwide, has conducted an extensive study into the posting of baby pictures.

“We’ve had a lot of user feedback on the topic,” said head of Facebook content guidelines Todd Toddsmith.

“Obviously we can hear you through your laptop’s built-in microphone. From analysing this data we know that 83% of our users say ‘For fuck’s sake’ when they see someone that they vaguely know has posted yet another baby picture.”

“We understand parents are proud of their children, but our research strongly indicates that unless you’re a relative of the parent, there’s a very good chance you don’t want to see 2,000 pictures of a baby in a variety of woolly hats.”

Story+Image: Simon Swatman

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31 Responses

  • shakira

    How out of order is that, If people don’t wanna see photos of babies of people they barely know then they should remove them from their friends list or hide the person from their news feed. I for one love to see my friends babies grow, even the ones that I don’t know very well.

    February 22, 2012 at 3:24 pm
  • Steviant

    New to thepoke Shakira?

    February 22, 2012 at 3:52 pm
  • Grotticia

    At the risk of losing a few friends, I am mighty tempted to post this on my Facebook – a few friends need to know there’s more to life than their babies!

    February 22, 2012 at 4:44 pm
  • Patricia Whooping-Cough

    I hate babies. I cannot abide their stupid faces, and I welcome this move. And those ridiculous burbling noises they make induce nausea in me. Indeed, I remember when I was a baby myself I was filled with self-loathing. Even walking down the ‘baby goods’ aisle in Waitrose makes me throw up. BAN THE BABIES. BABIES ARE VERMIN. NO MORE BABIES. NOT IN MY NAME.

    February 22, 2012 at 6:31 pm
  • Jack

    Shakira’s hips don’t lie but her comments are shit.

    February 22, 2012 at 6:45 pm
  • David

    After all, are babies not just stupid little idiot versions of people? Let’s not look at them lest we give them a superiority complex. The little idiots.

    February 22, 2012 at 6:47 pm
  • Sickboy

    This post was good before Shakira’s misguided outrage but add her post into the mix and you’ve got a masterpiece! Her brain probably has nappy rash.

    February 22, 2012 at 6:51 pm
  • ReignbowGirl

    I felt so many things when I read this article … First, unbridled joy at the possibility of such a thing coming to pass. Then, disappointment, at the realization that it was a cruel joke. Then, thankfully, amusement, because apparently we all need a little Shakira in our lives.

    February 22, 2012 at 9:35 pm
  • Tingle In The Netherlands

    Human maggots. Put the pics away.

    February 22, 2012 at 10:04 pm
  • SaTurn

    Shakira, Shakira…

    February 23, 2012 at 1:24 am
  • Luna

    If you don’t like seeing baby photos of the babies of people you barely know, then why are you their friend? I admittedly post lots of photos of my son, and if i don’t, I have people pestering me for new ones! Much of my family and most of my friends are scattered all over the place and visits are rare. How else can they see my son grow? I’ve never had any complaints about how many photos i post, and if I did, then that person doesn’t need to be on my friends’ list! It’s my profile, and my photos, I can add what I want. If you don’t like it, then delete me. If you’re that bent out of shape by me sharing photos with friends and family, then obviously you don’t need to be on my friends’ list.

    February 23, 2012 at 1:25 am
  • Lo Lo Lo Lola

    It’s not babies I hate. It’s the stupid parents who think that I care a bit about their babies’ boring achievements. I smiled and gained a pound this week, too, but no one is throwing me a parade.

    February 23, 2012 at 1:37 am
  • Christine

    Oh, I SO wish this was real. A FB friend’s son just had a baby, so now we all have to endure five or six status updates a day about “The Grandprincess,” complete with pictures. Of course, “The Grandprincess”‘ wrinkly monkey-face doesn’t change from hour to hour.

    I hate it when hyper-enthusiastic new parents use Facebook as their own personal “Look! My dick/vagina works!” website.

    February 23, 2012 at 1:49 am
  • futureteacher

    I like seeing pictures of babies, I think their really adorable, so why ban pictures of them, I think there could be another way to solve that problem.

    February 23, 2012 at 1:50 am
  • singingcynic

    I’m torn here. This is pretty fucking funny. But. When you first become a parent, there often… ISN’T more to life. You’re trapped at home, basically an indentured servant to a screaming mini-person, who on the other hand is occasionally pretty cute. If you’ve become used to social networking before having kinds, it can be a lifesaver when you’re feeling bored & isolated & missing your old life.

    Plus, a lot of the people who bitch about baby pics have their own variation of “2,000 pictures of a baby in wooly hats” — “2,000 pictures of myself throwing ironic gang signs/holding various drinks/squeezing my boobs together”. We just share what’s going on in our lives. For some people it’s babies, for other it’s drinking.

    February 23, 2012 at 2:31 am
  • Northwoodsgirl

    Oh, if only it were true. My sister posts an album every month of her daughter that has about 200 photos each. She’s almost two years old. That’s a lot of stupid pics.

    Shakira, Shakira. I have no words.

    February 23, 2012 at 2:37 am
  • Nick

    @David – I’m not sure that I agree that babies are stupid little idiot versions of people.

    Given that 90% of people are stupid little idiots anyway (see: Shakira) I just don’t think you could get a ‘stupid version’ of what’s already stupid.

    Given that they lack the capability of making foolish comments on the internet like Shakira, then perhaps they’re actually smarter in practice?

    February 23, 2012 at 5:28 am
  • Meeediyaah

    Oh Shakira, Shakira. You know when you think you’re stupid and you see someone say something really stupid and you instantly feel clever. Well, that.

    February 23, 2012 at 10:15 am
  • Ellymoemoe

    I’m due later this year, and have set up a separate online album so only those who actually want to see 2466587546 pictures of my baby will visit (most likely just family). I don’t hate my FB friends enough to subject them to baby overload just because I think he or she is the cutest thing in the world :)

    February 23, 2012 at 11:30 am
  • Not a cynic, nor singing

    singingcynic, pictures of girls, GIRLS, pushing their boobs together are always, ALWAYS welcome. If they happen to look like two babies heads then everyone’s happy…

    February 23, 2012 at 2:18 pm
  • MeowSayer

    @futureteacher Another way to solve the issue might be for you to personal Google “baby pictures”, and browse through your results for a few hours. But, for the rest of the world? DOWN WITH THE BABIES! Their mothers should have swallowed!

    February 23, 2012 at 2:48 pm
  • Proud Father

    Would anyone like to see some pictures of my baby?

    February 26, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    this is an OUTRAGE….. facebook shoud be banned, they have a provlem with babbes which is just creepy….. they are probably PEDOFILES!!!!! this explans all the child molestors on there, they feel safe on a site witch hates babbies…… WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TOO??????

    February 26, 2012 at 8:35 pm
  • Hardon

    This is just the beginning as Fb’s 1st generation reach parenthood.
    Think of what we have to look forward to; 35 shots of the new gas BBQ; 4000 kids graduation snaps, Old Jim eating battenberg cake and smelling of piss…..

    February 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm
  • sean

    Essentially, I would like to echo singing cynics comment, and add that perhaps it’s stockholm syndrome that makes them cute? Mewling earth-vexers, the lorra them (except for my niece, obviously. Wanna see a picture?!)…

    February 29, 2012 at 10:58 am
  • wondering wanda

    All you clever clogs and vicious baby bashers come from the same stock of disgusting little shits and ugly, smelly mewling earth-vexers, who were once adored. Joke or not.

    April 13, 2012 at 11:25 am
  • Me

    Please mommies!

    Saying people should unfriend you if they dislike ALL your baby pictures in nonsense!

    I LOVE my family as much as the next person but even I get tired of pictures of my nephews in different possessions and updates on what they eat and when they are sick.

    Just like you most likely aren’t interested in 20-30 almost similar picture of your sister/mom/aunt’s face, and what they are eating everyday.

    The only people who truly enjoy them are you, your husband and other enthusiastic women who just gave birth themselves and can relate. (they also always seem to like ALL 30 pictures, lol)

    February 21, 2013 at 5:21 am
  • Birmsboii

    There is a group on Facebook which has been posting pictures of random users newborn babies, I know at least five people on my friends list to have seen their babies photo on this group.. And all want to know how these sickos even get the pictures, just don’t upload them or so many and you will be safe.. Facebook SHOULD be safe. But it’s not, you don’t know who is looking at your pictures/photos of your children

    May 10, 2013 at 12:16 pm
  • Wentworth

    Crying, screaming fanny cakes. That’s what they are. Why on earth do new mothers think that I (in not being a blood relative) am remotely interested or sufficiently concerned to learn that they have indeed got a functioning uterus. Frankly, I am more concerned to learn how many points that mother has on her driving licence, because knowing that she isn’t going to cause accidents on the road is of more significance to the wider community than the fact she’s just popped a sprog to join the thousands of unremarkable others.

    June 8, 2013 at 5:06 am
  • Anon dude

    To those who say “why are you friends with them” – there seems to be something about parenthood and Facebook together that turns previously bright, intelligent, interesting and sparkly people into baby bores.

    It’s as if former nobel Prize winners had got a new job shovelling dung and were enthusiastically talking about different sizes puiles, different textures of manure and posting photographs of the slurry pit.

    I wish people could become parents without being so sodding boring about it!

    June 20, 2013 at 9:49 pm


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