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Music News: Senior figures in the music industry have warned that if the illegal sharing of albums doesn’t stop immediately, all music could cease to exist within six months.

“Music piracy presents a very large threat to our industry,” said spokesman Milton Codicioso. “If things continue the way they are, we believe that within six months all music – both recorded and live – will end forever.”

Music bosses say by that time, all existing music will be ground up into powder to make fuel, and all live venues will have been bulldozed as “thanks to piracy, rubble seems more valuable than music.”

“We predict a bleak future, with children growing up never hearing the mandolin in a Mumford and Sons album,” said Codicioso. “They’ll never know the lyrics to Milkshake by Kelis. They’ll never be able to appreciate the inner beauty of an artist like Susan Boyle.”

“If that’s the world you want your children to grow up in, then fine. Otherwise, buy some fucking CD’s.”

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