Shop selling lavender-themed goods mysteriously still in business

LAVENDER NEWS: A lavender-themed shop in a small town in Kent is mysteriously still in business, despite its limited appeal and the economic collapse of the high street around it.

The shop, called ‘Lavender Times’, has been open since 2008 and shows no signs of being affected by the recession that has hit the rest of the country, causing many in the town to speculate that it’s ‘a front for something, like the Triads’.

“It’s a one stop shop for lovers of lavender!” said shop owner Julia Croquetas.

“We sell anything that smells of lavender or is lavender coloured. We also have some lovely photographs of lavender. And some mugs with the word lavender on them.”

“How the hell can all the off-licences in this town close, yet the lavender shop stays open?” said confused resident Greg Hamm-Hands.

“That would suggest people like lavender more than they like getting drunk, which is clearly bullshit. They’re obviously up to something.”