Captain News: An investigation has found that the captain of the Costa Concordia, which crashed into rocks off the Italian coast and capsized, has been conforming nicely to lazy stereotypes of Italians.

Captain of stricken cruise ship conforming nicely to lazy stereotypes
Lots of British people have the preconception that all Italians are workshy lotharios who sleep on the job, and we applaud Captain Francesco Schettino for meeting these stereotypes,” said chief investigator Insalata Caprese.

We congratulate him on being distracted by a beautiful woman when the ship crashed, and that terrific story about him ‘falling into a lifeboat’ and escaping before everyone else. Bravo maestro! Bravo!”

The only criticisms the investigation found was that the captain didn’t have a moustache and seems to have no direct connection with the Mafia.

Everything my ignorance knows about Italian men has been proven right,” said Stuart Lunk, 38, from Plymouth. “He couldn’t have done a better job at confirming my xenophobia unless he was riding up and down the ship on a Vespa, with a fixation about his mother and an espresso.”

Story+Image: Simon Swatman

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3 Responses

  • Cece

    This is not a laughing matter yes it’s good to laugh but 11 have died 21 are missing this isn’t somthing that should be joked about

    January 20, 2012 at 3:27 pm
  • ap1werks

    please stick to making fun of only safe subjects like oranges, Care Bears and Cece’s mom.

    February 15, 2012 at 12:51 am
  • Agata

    You stincky british should better gossip less and learn brand new hygenic techniques buying bidet and try to study new languages just because you’re The most ignorant Nation in The world!!

    February 20, 2012 at 2:22 am