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Sports News: A war of words has erupted between ruthless Olympiad Seb Coe and Mark Thompson, Director General of the BBC, over the corporation’s decision to air leaked footage of rehearsals for the opening ceremony.

I believe that the key element to any Olympic opening ceremony is the element of surprise,” thundered an irate Lord Coe on The Andrew Marr Show this Sunday.

Our vision was to have the world holding it’s breath until those first moments, before having socks literally blown off by the shock of what they see. I’m talking about the entire population of this planet  gasping ‘holy bananas, that is the most EPIC display of morris dancing I have ever witnessed.”

That was the vision. Where’s the vision now? Down the toilet. Covered in shit and condoms.”

After what has been described as a ‘barrage’ of angry phone calls from government and sports personalities alike, Mark Thompson went on air himself this morning to defend what he called ‘an important journalistic scoop’.

Look – no one wants a call from Fatima Whitbread at 3.30 in the morning screaming that she’s going to javelin you in the nutsack,” Thompson told Radio 4′s Today programme, “but it is quite clearly in the public’s interest to know that instead of sexy women and fireworks, we will be getting ten thousand bearded men wearing bells on their knees.”

Ever since we won the bid Lord Coe has been going power mad. ‘I am to athletics what Prince is to pop-funk’ is just one of the many things I’ve heard him say lately, and when journalists uncover a plan to use the Olympic Stadium as if it was a pub car park in Somerset then, frankly, we all need to know.”

Story: Jasper Gibson

Image: Ninj


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