Scotland News: A shock new poll has revealed that the English counties of Cumbria, Northumberland, Durham and Yorkshire are demanding they also get to join Scotland.

Yorkshire, Durham and Cumbria 'want to be part of Scotland too'
Scotland has all the oil and whisky” said a spokesman from Yorkshire County Council. “So it’s pretty much a no-brainer for us.”

Durham County Council was more succinct in their reasons. “It’s not so much about a Scottish constitutional crisis and more about sticking two fingers up at all those monied, perma-tanned Southerners.”

It’s rumoured that if Scotland achieves independence from the U.K, Alex Salmond – the First Minister and leader of the Scottish National Party – will rebuild Hadrian’s Wall and reprint all Scottish currency with a picture of David Cameron painfully taking a length of phallus-shaped shortbread up the bum.

Alex is also keen to get a replica of the big iron throne from Game Of Thrones fitted in Holyrood,” said a SNP spokesman.

Salmond was unavailable for comment, although he has released one official statement to the press, which simply reads: ‘Winter is coming’.

Story+Image: Simon Swatman

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9 Responses

  • Angeln

    Northumberland, Durham and Cumbria maybe… But Scotland can have the Anglo-Scandinavian Viking Kingdom of Yorkshire over my dead body.

    January 13, 2012 at 9:52 pm
  • Ian Wright

    Can Cornwall come too? We have pasties, and a bit of tin still left in the ground?

    January 14, 2012 at 7:14 pm
  • Grahamkw17

    All very good and well but what about when Orkney and Shetland declare independence from Scotland? I’ll tell you what, Scotland loses its oil and the top two whiskies. Then what’s left? A couple o rubbish banks…

    February 7, 2012 at 12:37 am
  • Dog

    …and one of those is Australian…

    February 9, 2012 at 11:31 pm
  • Frank

    I’ll accept Durham and Northumberland, but Cumbria…no!

    February 22, 2012 at 1:51 pm
  • Val

    Isn’t Cumbria part of the Briton Kingdom of Strathclyde, therefore Scotland. Sheffield forgemasters would of probably not had it’s loan taken away with this set up. And yes, a sn&nep (Northern English party) leading a Scotland Northern England would have to money. The only problem here is that those counties mentioned still dwarf Scotland in economy population etc (yorkshire is nearly twice the size). But as is said, it’s two fingers up at the Southern established set up, not the southern people I may add, who hate what is happening alos.

    Well, why don’t we set up everything up in Holyrood and make London independent. That makes sence, not the break up of our country. We are all Britons being pissed off by this so-called elite. That aside, I would back a new parliament for Britain, in a different area.

    May 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm
  • pete

    ear, as i see it, owt north of watford is northern so t i belngs tu us northerns, if scotts wona be part of it thats up tu them, but thas no way am i gona become a sweaty sock, don’t mind if them’s gona loose all that streak of generosity and become a northerner though.

    February 3, 2013 at 1:43 am
  • Stain

    As a true Caledonian born north of Hadrian’s Wall, why should we let part of the UK break away based on wars from years ago. I’ve never felt English despite being from Northumberland. Why not decide by letting the people who want to be ruled by London and those who want to be ruled by Edinburgh. For me it’s Edinburgh.

    March 19, 2013 at 7:24 pm
  • Raymond

    North of Hadrians wall should be part of an Independent Scotland, as it was part of Scotland. An Independent Scotland should mean all of the Scottish land, before Scotland became part of Britain/UK

    February 5, 2014 at 4:53 am