Star Wars presents for house and garden

Star Wars News: Intergalactic billionaire George Lucas is squeezing yet more money out of his never-ending franchise by teaming up with domestic appliance manufacturers to produce a Star Wars range of hoovers, mowers, and even anglepoise lamps in time for Christmas.

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‘This IS the Droid Anglepoise Lamp you’re looking for!’ says the predictable advertising, but B+Q CEO Phil Draft shrugs his shoulders at suggestions of ‘cashing in’ and says “so what?”

“Of course it’s cashing in – that’s what merchandising is about. If you can make a chore like hoovering a bit more fun, then why not? These are tough times for retailers and frankly may the force be with us. Sorry – I promised my son I’d say that.”

Jeremy Dyson, whose company is producing the Death Star and Storm Trooper hoovers, denies that they are ‘just gimmicks’.

“They are beautiful, functional objects. That’s what great design means – and for the consumer who is a Star Wars fan, surely there can be no greater pleasure than imagining you are obliterating rebel pockets of resistant dirt or sucking the dust out of your carpet the way Lord Vadar sucks the breath out of his subordinates.”

But it’s the Boba Fett mower that has proved to be the biggest hit, and manufacturers Qualcast say they are ‘overwhelmed’ at the product’s success.

“We had no idea it would fly off the shelves like this,” says spokeswoman Janice Crowther.

“Combining Star Wars with garden tools really seems to inspire people, and we’re currently in licensing negotiations with George Lucas to increase our range: a big flabby garden shed called Jabba The Hut, some light sabre strimmers and a range of Ewok gnomes.”

Images: Ninj

Story: Jasper Gibson