We’ve challenged you for some updated, modern cracker jokes for 2011 – here’s what we have so far – keep them coming…
Q. What’s a grecian urn? A. Whatever the IMF can spare, really.
Q. What do you call a Dragon with a massive penis? A. Hilary Devey.
Q: Why can’t Nick Clegg polish the furniture? A: He broke his Pledge
Q. What’s the best cheese for coaxing a bear out of a cave? A. Camembert
Nope, no idea.
Q. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? A. Repeated absences and stealing.
Q. How will the capitalism protesters be celebrating Xmas? A. Occupying Quality Street
Q. What’s the difference between FIFA and a toilet? A. You can flush the shit out of a toilet
Q. Why are pirates called pirates? A. The name derives from the Greek “πειρατής” (peiratēs), meaning “brigand”.
Q. What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A. A baboom
Q. What do hippy horses eat? A. Hey man.
Q. What do you get if you cross a panda with an alligator? A. Arrested, and promptly sacked by Edinburgh Zoo.
Q. How do you get two whales in a mini A. You go down the M1 and turn right.
Q.Why does Santa only come once a year? A.Because of erectile dysfunction caused by the high pressure nature of his job.
Q) What has eight legs and a massive cock? A) U2
Q. What do you give your aunt when she’s too happy? A. Aunty Depressants
Q. How can you tell if an elephant’s been in your fridge? A. Massive structural damage to the kitchen and exterior wall.
Q.What did the Tories get baby Jesus? Nothing. Ian Duncan-Smith knew they were feckless travellers who’d piss it away.
Q.How many heads of the IMF does it take to change a lightbulb? None. He wasn’t there and the maid fabricated it.
Q: What did the wordplay say to the anagram? A: Does my pun look big in shit?
Q. How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? A. One
Q. How do you spot a dyslexic farmer? A. He’s wearing a cat flap
Q. What rummages through bins and hangs out with vermin? A. Lady Gaga’s stylist
Q: What cheese do you use to hide a small horse? A: mascarpone
Like The Poke on Facebook and you will never be bored again.