We’ve challenged you for some updated, modern cracker jokes for 2011 – here’s what we have so far – keep them coming…
Q. What’s a grecian urn? A. Whatever the IMF can spare, really.
via @0point5twins
Q. What do you call a Dragon with a massive penis? A. Hilary Devey.
via @Pundamentalism
Q: Why can’t Nick Clegg polish the furniture? A: He broke his Pledge
via @BraderSi
Q. What’s the best cheese for coaxing a bear out of a cave? A. Camembert
via @Bromptonite
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Matt.
Matt who?
Matt Cardle.
Who?
MATT CARDLE!
Nope, no idea.
via @ScurrilousFacts
Q. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? A. Repeated absences and stealing.
via @TeddyEastoe
Q. How will the capitalism protesters be celebrating Xmas? A. Occupying Quality Street
via @stevesplan
Q. What’s the difference between FIFA and a toilet? A. You can flush the shit out of a toilet
via @ScurrilousFacts
Q. Why are pirates called pirates? A. The name derives from the Greek “πειρατής” (peiratēs), meaning “brigand”.
via@thepoke
Q. What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A. A baboom
via @kezzlebob
Q. What do hippy horses eat? A. Hey man.
via @Bromptonite
Q. What do you get if you cross a panda with an alligator? A. Arrested, and promptly sacked by Edinburgh Zoo.
via@thepoke
Q. How do you get two whales in a mini A. You go down the M1 and turn right.
via @JCautomatic
Q.Why does Santa only come once a year? A.Because of erectile dysfunction caused by the high pressure nature of his job.
via @_w0z_
Q) What has eight legs and a massive cock? A) U2
via @DalaiLama
Q. What do you give your aunt when she’s too happy? A. Aunty Depressants
via @Feelwelcome
Q. How can you tell if an elephant’s been in your fridge? A. Massive structural damage to the kitchen and exterior wall.
via @thepoke
Q.What did the Tories get baby Jesus? Nothing. Ian Duncan-Smith knew they were feckless travellers who’d piss it away.
@BraderSi
Q.How many heads of the IMF does it take to change a lightbulb? None. He wasn’t there and the maid fabricated it.
@stevesplan
Q: What did the wordplay say to the anagram? A: Does my pun look big in shit?
via @BraderSi
Q. How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? A. One
via @mickeymonkstain
Q. How do you spot a dyslexic farmer? A. He’s wearing a cat flap
via @klattkins
Q. What rummages through bins and hangs out with vermin? A. Lady Gaga’s stylist
via @thepoke
Q: What cheese do you use to hide a small horse? A: mascarpone
via @JimGreen008
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Q: What’s the difference between an erection and a Lamborghinigi? A: I don’t have a Lamborghini.
I dont understand modern women. I held the door open for one the other day. You know what she said to me – ‘fuck off, I’m trying to have a shit.’