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Pop News: As homes across Britain resound with the Smiths’ classic ‘Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want’, featured in the John Lewis Christmas advert, controversial lead singer Morrissey has promised to ‘sugar the pill’ for despairing fans by releasing his own bid for the Christmas number 1 spot.

Morrissey releases Christmas single

His new song, ‘You Represent Everything That Is Wrong With Christmas’ is a withering assault on what the former Smith describes as “a sort of grasping, self-regarding modern insincerity”, personified by an estate agent neighbour, whose “charmless braggadocio, small-minded competitiveness and thoughtless gift choices” exemplify the torrid commercialism not only of the Christmas holiday, but of society at large:

“…with your Dido-flecked petit-bourgeois musings/

and the hateful way you look at your wife/

I am repulsed by the stench of your pint of cologne/

and I’ve never played golf in my life.”

The single (which will be available in the classic 7″ vinyl as well as in normal formats) will feature the B-side, ‘Simon Cowell Gives Me Mind Cancer’ – setting out its stall as not just a present Morrissey’s fanbase, but a direct challenge to the annual parade of mediocrity that consumes the Christmas singles market every year.

He faces stiff competition for the top spot, however. Contenders this year include Radiohead’s barnstormer ‘The Queen’s Deathbed Message’, The Aphex Twin’s ‘Come On You Cunt, It’s Christmas’, and Coldplay’s epic eight-minute torchsong, ‘Oh, But Look At My Lovely Family’.

Story: Chris Miller

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