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Celeb News: In a task traditionally left to their agents and someone with common sense, more and more celebrities are turning to internet graphics to help them make career decisions.

How do celebrities revive their careers?
This Celebrity Decisionator, leaked to The Poke, shows just how tough the path back from obscurity can be – will it be Strictly? Or Ant or Dec or Ant?

The choice is particuarly torturous for celebrities without careers at all – no spot on local radio, no panto, nothing – as i) they typically have no agents to make these decisions for them and ii) they have a lot of free time on their hands.

Free time means introspection, and that can lead to spiralling existential panic and a complete inability to reach profitable conclusions.

That’s where a Decisionator can really help.

Said one insider, “Celebrities have it tough. One day you can’t buy a Twix without being hassled for a photo, the next thing you know you can’t even get a job in Snappy Snaps.”

Thankfully the existence of the Reality TV Decisionator means that any faded star looking to make a comeback through prime-time humiliation can gaze fitfully at a graphic on the web before making a choice they can pin their hopes and their plastic surgery bill on.”

Story: Jasper Gibson Image: Simon Swatman

Starring: Freddie Starr, Lorraine Chase, Mark Wright, Stefanie Powers, Crissy Rock, Dougie Poynter, Willie Carson, Jessica-Jane Clement, Nancy Dell’ Olio, Robbie Savage, Chelsee Healey,  Rory Bremner, Holly Valance, Harry Judd, Anita Dobson, Russell Grant, Lulu, Dan Lobb, Edwina Currie, Audley Harrison, Jason Donovan, Alex Jones

NEXT >> The World’s Greatest Album Covers, Ever

 

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