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Sports News: Disgraced Pakistan cricketers today have apologised that their involvement in an organised no-bowl betting scam has failed to reach the scandalously interesting immoral extremes of the current world banking crisis.

Cricketers apologise: "despite scandal we have failed to make cricket remotely interesting"

“It’s shameful,” said player Salman Butt outside court yesterday.

Despite the TV-friendly nature of our scandal compared to the graphsy-numbersy-Robert Pestony financial one, thousands more people have tried to read up on economic theory than have bothered to learn even the basic rules of cricket.”

“We felt that deliberately throwing a ball in a technically invalid manner in a professional match for the entertainment of the public would be far more outrageous than the sickening 50% rise in salaries and million-pound bonuses paid to bank directors during a time of global recession.”

“We thought we could provoke a wave of public protest to bring media attention to our sport. But we were woefully naive. It’s like the third or fourth item on news broadcasts. Lame. Even Pete Townshend got in higher. And this is a guy who hates downloadable music yet browses porn ‘for research’.”

“It’s true,” added co-defendant Mohammed Asif, “I was like – cricket’s gonna rock the news – but all this crap about the Greek economy was on again. When do we get a break? I feel like I’ve destroyed my career for absolutely nothing. Apart from these massive wads of cash I got paid which enable me to retire at the age of 30.”

Story: Michael Brett

 

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