Designs for new drachma leaked

Crisis News: The Greek government was reeling from yet further embarrassment today when, after repeated assurances both to the Eurozone and to the Greek people that they could manage their sovereign debt and stay within Europe, designs for new drachma notes were leaked from inside the office of Prime Minister George Papandreou himself.

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“This isn’t what it looks like,” he told the world’s media at a press conference this morning, trying to pass the document off as his ‘teenage daughter’s art project’.

“But you haven’t got a teenage daughter,” said the BBC’s Robert Preston before swiveling to camera, winking, then firing an imaginary gun.

As the press conference descended into chaos, Europe’s corridors of power were rapidly filled by panicking finance ministers bumping bellies with each other again and again like broken toys. Meanwhile, far above them in the financial stratosphere, their investment masters simply ‘turned off the Greek channel’.

“We really don’t give a shit about Greece or Europe for that matter,” said Mark Fullstone of Goldman Sachs, echoing comments by YouTube sensation, trader Alessio Rastani.

“We have all bet on a horrendous depression and are working hard to make that happen. When it does, I’m going to make so much damn money I’ll be able to buy God’s name off him.”

Meanwhile George Michael said he was ‘delighted’ to be on the new 100 drachma note.

“It’s so nice to be associated with something positive for once,” said the star.

Story: Jasper Gibson

Images: Simon Swatman

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