Jobs created a generation ‘who can only swipe’

Tech News: As Steve Jobs resigns from Apple, the Department of Health has issued a stark warning today that iPad use among children is creating a doomed generation who struggle in vain to engage with reality by swiping, tapping, and pinching the air in front of them.

A catalogue of incidents has prompted health officials to warn parents to limit children’s exposure to the iPad. A 4 year-old in Wokingham was left with severe bite wounds after double-tapping an unleashed dog in a park. He later explained that he was trying to copy it and then paste it to play with when he got home.

A girl aged 7 ended up in intensive care after she attempted to cross the North Circular Road in London by swiping cars out of her way.

Most tragically, CC TV footage of a railway crossing in Leicester appears to show an as-yet unidentified toddler on the track ‘pinching’ an oncoming high-speed train in an attempt to make it smaller.

“It’s tragic,” said Health Secretary Andrew Lansley.

“They’re like angry little wizards waving their arms – yet nothing will obey their magical will. It’s like watching Nick Clegg in a huff.”