Shower News: Lincolnshire man Tony Riley, 58, was rushed to hospital this morning after his penis ‘fell off’ in the shower.
“I was giving the little captain a right good scrubbing,” Riley told reporters.
“I had him out on deck, standing to attention and ready for a ‘phase one foamation’ when, after a couple of waggles, he just fell off – as if he’d never been attached to me at all.”
“The balls are still there but the doctors are, quite literally, stumped. There wasn’t any blood – in fact I’m officially in here for shock.”
Doctors say the tendons attached Riley’s penis to his groin had simply withered and died – a condition they are seeing more and more of each year.
“Consistent use of a female partner’s bath products can lead to an increase in oestrogen and, eventually, rejection of the male organs altogether,” says Doctor Richard Hopel.
“The daily lathering of Elvive, Alberto Balsam or even Pantene 2-in-1, particularly around the genitalia, often due to a mistaken belief that it’s all just fancy soap so who cares, will lead to changes in the body’s chemistry.”
“Mr. Riley has consistently ignored the clear ‘For Women’ labelling. As a result he has been experiencing body hair loss and breast augmentation for some time. The fact that he had failed to notice this is, I’m afraid, down to a mixture of heavy drinking and obesity.”
“Of course these types of symptoms can cut both ways,” Dr. Hopel continues.
“A recent patient of mine had been ‘borrowing’ her boyfriend’s Lynx ‘Dark Temptation’ Shower Gel without his knowledge for a period of months.”
“At first, she just indulged in a bit of pipe smoking. Now she no longer needs to urinate sitting down.”