Video games ‘definitely linked to something’

Technology News: Experts have finally come to the conclusion that video games are causally linked to something else that occurs, either frequently or not at all.

“This only goes to show what I’ve always said, that people playing video games are more or less likely to do certain things than people who don’t, or perhaps that they aren’t,” said a mother who admitted that she was ‘constantly on the brink of shitting herself’ about what her kids would do next.

This finding is already being used by anti-games crusaders, who say it backs up their intuitive feelings.

“They make us kill each other. That’s what you do in games, isn’t it? Kill each other. And you enjoy it. So you move onto dogs, then children. Before you know it you’ve stabbed your way up the food chain, to the Queen.”

However, games publishers said that it just went to show that video games had a positive role to play in society.

“They bring families together, and games like Wii Fit tells your tubby little daughter she needs to stop eating, or she’ll never get to fuck Justin Bieber. No parent should have to say that to their child. Games fill a vital gap.”