Florist steals flowers from accident blackspot

Flower News: When avant-garde florist Julian Garvey was caught stealing flowers left for a road traffic victim at an accident blackspot he protested his innocence: “I was only rearranging them, to a new location, two miles down the road, into my shop.”

It is a dramatic fall from grace for Garvey, who despite being seen as a controversial figure, (supplying opium poppies for the cremation of a heroin overdose victim,) also recently won the prized ‘Floral Display of 2011’ for his funeral arrangement in the shape of a chair.

Defending himself, Garvey issued a statement in the form of a bunch of flowers. The meaning remains unknown.

The Floristry Commission assured The Poke: “Garvey will be subject to an investigation and if he is found to have broken any rules, he will be banned from working with flowers for life. A process we call Defloristation.”