Enforcers ‘will ensure Greece’s debt repayment’

Greek Crisis: What do you call a Big Mac in Greece? EU ministers at the summit in Brussels today announced that Greece would ‘not be allowed to threaten the stability of the Eurozone’ as top enforcers, Vincent Vega and Jules Whitfield, had already been sent there to make sure the country does not default on its debt.

Arriving at the Turkish border this morning, Whitfield and Vega were overheard introducing themselves to Greece as “associates of your business partner the European Union. You do remember your business partner don’t you? Let me take a wild guess here. You’re Greece, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought so. You remember your business partner the European Union, don’t you, Greece?”

“Yeah, yeah, I remember him.”

“Good. Looks like me an Vincent caught you at breakfast. Sorry about that. Whatcha havin’?”

“Kebab”

“Kebab! The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast. What kind of kebab?

“With f-feta cheese.”

“No, no, no, where’d you get ’em? McDonalds? Wendy’s? Jack in the Box? Where?”

“Big Kahuna Kebab”

“Big Kahuna Kebab. That’s that Greek-Hawaiian kebab joint. I hear they got some tasty kebabs. I ain’t never had one myself. How are they?”

It was at that point that the pleasantries quickly ceased.

“What does the EU look like?” Whitfield was heard shouting, his gun drawn.

“What?”

“What country is this?”

“What?”

“‘What’? What ain’t no country! They speak English in ‘what’?”

“What?”

“English motherfucker! Do you speak it?”

“Yes – but with an accent.”

“Then you know what I’m sayin’”

“Yes!”

“Describe what the European Union financial system looks like!”

“What?”

“Say ‘what’ again. Say ‘what’ one more time, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say ‘what’ one more Goddamn time!”

At the time of going to press, negotiations were still ongoing.

Meanwhile in Brussels, David Cameron told journalists that ‘every effort’ was being made to reassure markets and investors over the Greek debt crisis.

“While this remains a challenging time for the Greek population,” he continued, “they must accept the austerity measures, quieten down and behave themselves. That last thing anyone wants is a collapse in market confidence. If Greece defaults it will trigger the type of financial contagion that, unfortunately, can only lead to a knock on the door from Harvey Keitel in a dinner jacket.”