Stonehenge attacked

Stonehenge, the iconic monument to England’s pagan past, has been attacked by social media-inspired vandals who have rearranged the stones to spell ‘LOL’.

“It was a sophisticated operation,” said Detective Inspector Stan Rose from Wiltshire Police.

“Using falsified authorisation papers the gang threw up a temporary wall around the stones – shielding it from sight – on the premise that they were there to clean them before the summer solstice celebrations.”

“With a small crane and a digger they were instead able to devastate thousands of years of history. Well I for one am not ‘laughing out loud’. I’m not even laughing on the inside.”

By the time the alarm was raised, the culprits – linked to a similar assault on the Hollywood sign in Los Angeles some months ago – had already vanished, leaving this annual gathering of twig-wigglers, moon-fondlers and police in complete disarray

“As soon the wall thingy came down, most of the druids burst into tears,” says solistice regular Creepy Unit.

“I’ve never seen anything like it. There were police officers hugging people they usually try to bash up a bit before arresting. Travellers, hippies, ravers, tourists, coppers and even people from the cosmological community – all wailing and thumping themselves. It was like a funeral in the Middle East.”

“It’s an outrage,” said Molly Hurtle, who had travelled from Wales for the dawn event.

“There’s a rumour going around that it was aliens. But aliens don’t use acronyms, do they? It just doesn’t make any sense.”